my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
