just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
