I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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