My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
