your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
