i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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