Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
