My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
