I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
