Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
