he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
