Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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