First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
