peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
