I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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