sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
