you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need a burrito and a hug.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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