and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
