1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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