Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
