Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
