just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
