i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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