Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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