Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
