Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
