Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
