i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
