this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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