Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
