Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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