woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
