dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
