After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
