I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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