cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
