if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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