My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
