just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
