I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
