This is not my ceiling
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
