She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
