You smell like stripper and shame
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
