someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
