I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
