If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
