i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
