I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
