all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
