i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize