Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
