no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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