Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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