I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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