youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
