i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
