Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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