So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
