i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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