So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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