Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
