We won't sleep together?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
