at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
