it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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