apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
