Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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