I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
