have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
