Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
