fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize