Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
