What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
