we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
