Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
