My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
