i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
