you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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