Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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