I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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