ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
