I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
