please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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