well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
