how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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