I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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