I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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