Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
