You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
