just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
