The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
