I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
this is an emotional support booty call
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
