I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
