Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
