Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
